- Back into the past
- July 7th, 9:40
Sometimes I feel nostalgic and I return to my old forum.
Once I had a silly website about Beyblade. Well, yes, I was 14 (more or less) and I actually still like to slash it and it brings me good memory. Well, I had a website about Beyblade and being it the only Italian website and yaoi/yuri friendly it got kind of popular so I opened a forum. It was (well, it IS, because it's still online) on an Italian platform so its moment of disappearance depends on when the platform will be shut down (because I don't want to delete it myself) and after 10 years it is still there. And it had been great. I remember that I was a high school student, all books and studies and dreams, who loved to return home and log in the forum and talk about opinions, ideas, silly stuff. I met wonderful people on that place. I spent hours there and it had lasted for about three years, if I am not wrong.
So sometimes I feel nostalgic and I return to my old forum and today I found a message from a girl who used to be one of the mods and who had been on the forum as long as I had been. Well, I don't know what it is but it has been incrediblt sad and bitter and joyful at the same time and I realized that it had already been 10 years. 10 years ago, I was there and I can still see my messages, the mirror of what I was back then.
I miss it, somehow, but now I have it with different fandoms and I sometimes think: where will I be in 10 years? Will the people who I met now be lost again for me?
I am very bad in keeping with me the people I know. I get distracted easily, I need to stay alone a lot. But I miss them. So even if I don't send you messages, even if I don't talk to you and maybe you don't remember I'd like you to know that I remember you and I am glad you have been there for me (also if it has only been one time).
Said this, I am in a melancolic mood. I spent al yesterday talking with Men Right's Activists, why did I do that? I don't know, I felt angry but now I feel sad.
Also I feel like I have accomplished nothing in these 10 years. I mean, I know I know more about many things, I know I am more educated about a lot and I met people and friends, but I feel like I am not any closer to know the magical answer of the meaning of file.
And my mother has a pneumological visit this week, because she may have sarcoidosis.